This is not my ceiling
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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