I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
