wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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