Can Purell be used as lube?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
