im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
