3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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