wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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