yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
