my soul wont recognize me after tonight
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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