i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
