It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
