If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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