I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
