Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
