I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
