hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
