yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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