ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
