goodnight i made you a song goodbye
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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