Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
