There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
