If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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