just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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