There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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