I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
