Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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