I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
