I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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