I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
