Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
