One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
