Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
