she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
