I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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