Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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