wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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