Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
