dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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