I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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