And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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