you turned your livingroom into a bong?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
