I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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