oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
