WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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