quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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