Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
