Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want her autograph on my taint
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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