thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
