i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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