Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
